Mind Your Own Business
by Phoenix Reece
Summary: A Oneshot ? involving a few of Mumbo's old business partners. Featuring two characters based off of the story Neverwhere


**Author's Note**

Okay, here I am in balmy Florida on my spring break, and lucky for you, I don't tan well, so I'll be updating plenty with my free time.  
And about One World for anyone who cares, I've been working on the next chapter. I've just hit a hitch and banging out a different story on my mind will help me along.  
This is just a simple short story involving Mumbo, who hasn't had much screen time in the past.  
Two of the characters in this oneshot(Mr. Croup and Mr. Vandemar) are based off of two characters of similar name from the story **Neverwhere**(excellent book, if you care to look it up)

**Mind Your Own Business**

Out on the outskirts of peaceful Happy Tree Town, two gentlemen stood by the side of the road, tapping out a steady rhythm in their steps, like that of a heartbeat. One in front of another, they stepped in time on their way to find their old business partner. A fox, and a wolf, each dressed in a dirty black suit, which had once been the talk of the town, but now seemed to be relics of the past.

"Mr. Vandemar, have you the time? I think it's getting late, and we shant keep our friend waiting." Said the fox, adjusting the bowtie around his fat neck. Mr. Vandemar looked to the sun, and looked back to his companion.

"Why, it's only half past four Mr. Croup," Mr. Vandemar said.

"Excellent, excellent, if we quicken the pace we'll make it to his house by sundown. Now we simply have to find him." Mr. Croup said, stepping a tad bit faster.

Now, there were four simple ways to tell Mr. Croup and Mr. Vandemar apart, simply by looking at them. First, Mr. Vandemar was at least a foot and a half taller than Mr. Croup. Second, Mr. Vandemar's eyes were a brownish tint, while Mr. Croup's were a faded China blue. Third, while Mr. Croup chose to wear no jewelry, Mr. Vandemar wore several rings made of the skulls of ravens. And fourth, Mr. Croup likes to talk, while Mr. Vandemar always enjoyed eating.

Also, being a fox and a wolf, they looked nothing alike.

…

"Please, don't hurt me! Please just make it quick!"

Toothy screamed as he was thrown onto his stomach by Evil. As he writhed on the ground, Evil stomped his body until it ceased moving. With a chuckle, Evil grabbed Flaky, whom had been hog tied to a pole, and with a violent thrust, jammed the screaming porcupine into the dazed beaver's mouth, splitting him in half and scattering organs across the sidewalk.

Then he turned to still find Giggles tied up and dangling from the nearby tree, blindfolded and panting heavily. He laughed, and reeled back with his makeshift club, and took a swing at her, cracking open her body like a piñata and spilling her entrails across the grass. He looked back at Flaky, the impacts had torn her neck, killing her and leaving her head slumped over at an agonizing angle. With one last devilish laugh, Evil left the party, stopping only to grab a bloody clump of cake from the mangled form of Mime's body. As he left he dragged his hand across the banner a group of friends had hung for the occasion, leaving a long bloody smear to obscure the words

_Happy Birthday Toothy_

…

He walked through the back alleyways to avoid drawing too much attention to himself, greedily licking his blood and frosting covered fingers.

"It's too easy, like lambs to the slaughter!" He chuckled, deciding where he'd find his next victim. A whistle beckoned him, and he looked around the alleyway. A fox and a wolf, dressed in filthy old suits, were sitting on a pile of trash. The fox, shorter and fatter than the wolf, stepped forward invitingly to speak to him, but evil never wanted anyone to get too close to him.

"What the hell do you want, freaks?" He stepped back, clenching his fist.

"Good sir, I am Mr. Croup, and this is my associate Mr. Vandemar," He motioned to the trash pile, where Mr. Vandemar sat, chewing on a rat he had found, headfirst.

"We just wanted to ask you if you had seen our business partner. A crocodile, if you knew anything about his whereabouts it would be greatly appreciated."

Evil took another step backwards, the fox's odd smile getting to him, " I, I don't know anything, so leave me the fuck alone!" The fox shook his head in disappointment,

"My my my, that's what the other bear said, shame his son had to go first," He turned to his partner again, "Wasn't it a dreadful shame Mr. Vandemar?"

The wolf, having finished his meal was leaning back on the trash pile, spinning the propeller of a small beanie he held in his hand.

"Truly a shame, Mr. Croup."

Evil was as he never was in his life, terrified. But like an animal, he reacted to fear in the only way he could. Mr. Croup's back was still turned to him, it was the best chance he'd get. First he'd slit Mr. Croup's throat, then kill Mr. Vandemar in the heat of the moment.

_Yeah, perfect. Never see it coming…_ He thought, reaching down to grab his bowie knife from his belt. He gripped air as a cold fear dawned on him. It was impossible, he had the knife with him the entire time. His eyes glanced up, the fat fox was nowhere to be seen, but Mr. Vandemar was still sitting casually on the trash pile, but he no longer was occupying himself with the beanie, and instead was cleaning dirt from beneath his claws with a bowie knife. Evil began panting out of terror, he moved backwards scanning the alleyway for any sign of Croup.

"Goodbye, friend. It has been nice," Mr. Vandemar said, his voice seemed as if he was half awake. Evil, in a last bit of desperation, rushed at Mr. Vandemar, who hardly batted an eyelash. But before he could make contact, a hot pain rushed through Evil's abdomen, and his own blood spurted out onto the concrete floor. A single claw had burst through his chest, and he felt someone breathing on his shoulder.

"Really now, why on Earth are people so prone to violence these days, Mr. Vandemar? It seems like all they want to do is fight!" Mr. Croup was right behind him, it was his claw that had penetrated him, and his claw that drew back out as quickly as it came. The bear slumped to the ground, and within moments his vision blacked out to nothing.

…

"So, I suppose we won't be going to the beach then, will we Sniffles?"

Petunia gave a huff as Sniffles shook his head, meaning to say he'd be returning to his lab again to study a certain sample again.

"Sorry Petunia, I could waste an afternoon at the beach, but Evil's on the run and I don't wanna waste the whole day being dead."

"You know, I don't do this for my health, you really need to get out more Sniff!" She said, half-joking, and half very serious. "I swear you're going to rot in the lab of yours."

"Petunia, it's not that simple. I have a gift and I need to use it, even if it's not the healthiest or most enjoyable thing to do. And I know I'm getting close to figuring out that sample."

"You know, you're never going to find scientific proof from that potion. Sometimes you have to just accept that there are some things in this world we'll never understand."

As they rounded a corner, a whistle came from behind, and a quick shock came over Sniffles, who turned first. Petunia, however, merely believed it was a friend calling them. She was wrong.

Two friends they had never met before were standing only a few feet away, a Fox and a Wolf. Surprising perhaps, but it was an average Saturday, there were plenty of people on the street. They could have just as easily not noticed them, but still, Sniffles was a bit rattled, especially when he saw that the wolf was wearing a blood stained beret and picking his teeth with a bowie knife.

"Excuse me," The Fox said "My lack of manners disgusts me, but I overheard you talking about a potion. And perhaps it might be the variety sold by a friend of ours."

Sniffles quickly decided it should be him, not Petunia, who should be doing the talking. Though, he stuttered a bit in his bravery, "Why are you eavesdropping, and who are you?"

"Why, I am Mr. Croup, and this is my friend Mr. Vandemar. A business partner of ours was believed to have passed through here, might you have seen him?"

"I don't know who you're talking about, so just leave us alone."

But as Sniffles spoke, Mr. Vandemar crept towards him with a long stride. Without even looking him in the eyes, the wolf snatched Sniffles up by both of his wrists and held him up, sniffing his struggling hands.

"Hey, what are you doing? Leave him alone!" Petunia struck the wolf, but he didn't budge.

"I can smell it, he's lying." Vandemar said to his companion.

"Lying is a dreadful thing Mr. Vandemar, we'll have to punish him."

Sniffles kicked and screamed as Mr. Croup set out to 'work' on him, dragging a single claw against his midsection. Tears ran down his eyes, and he started screaming as a full gash was made, spilling his organs onto the pavement. He held his screams in, and began to cry out to the only person he could think to.

"Petunia, run! Run while you still have a chance, find Mumbo!" He could be barely understood, but Petunia somehow knew what he was saying, and she knew where she needed to go. But, self preservation took hold, and even before Sniffles screamed, she ran. She had no idea where she was even going, but she knew to run. Over her shoulder, she heard Mr. Croup chuckle a bit before saying,

"Well, he was lying! He'll have to pay for that little mistake, now won't he? Should we trail the girl when we're done?"

"Of course, I can smell it on her breath"

…

Now she waded through the muck and filth in a last ditch attempt to find Mumbo. She didn't even fully know where she was going, and just being out in the swamp was risking her life again. She was outside of town, she could die for good. And until she heard that harmonica music, her heart wouldn't stop racing. She followed the tune like a moth to a flame, until she stumbled upon Mumbo's shack. Shocked, he pulled her out of the muck and brushed her off.

"Honey pie, what are you doing out here? Not after more potion I hope, we buried that hatchet a little while ago." He said, she needed to rest again him, she was panting heavily, and was shaking. He lead her into his shack, which was surprisingly roomier than it appeared. It was filled with various pieces of junk, and books were scattered across the floor. With a sweep of his claw, he knocked a few beakers and flasks filled with something unmentionable and sat her on it, wrapping a small quilt around her shaking form.

"What's wrong Petunia, why are you here?"

"Mumbo, it's horrible, two men, a fox and a wolf came after Sniffles and I for no reason. They said they were your,"

"Business partners," Mumbo shook his head, and fumbled around in a nearby trunk for something, finding his cane, "Petunia, I'm sorry you got mixed up in this, but I'm ending it."

"Mumbo, you can't go after them, they'll kill you! They killed evil Flippy, they're stronger than you think."

"I'm not chasing them, they're coming after me, they chased you. I know what they're capable of, they're my old business partners."

"What did you work with them for?"

"A certain recipe, and they've been chasing me ever since to get their part. But it doesn't matter anymore, I'm going to kill them." He said, tapping the cane on the ground a few times. "Now hide, behind the curtain." He motioned a claw towards a pile of garbage by the lone window in the shack. A long curtain nearby was her refuge.

Petunia was still very afraid, but she did as she was told. Covering her body with the quilt he had given her, she laid down on the hardwood floor near the pile of junk. Trying to cover her own eyes against her curiosity, it became increasingly difficult when the door of the shack was kicked open. She peeked, and there was Croup and Vandemar, standing before the unflinching Mumbo. She tried to watch, but glancing over to Vandemar, she realized he was twirling a pink rubbery strand around his finger, and chewing it slowly. It was all that was left of Sniffles, and she threw herself back down to the ground to avoid being next. Everything else was darkened vision, she only knew what she heard.

"Mr. Mumbo, how good to see you again. We've been looking for quite some time, you know."

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait for a bit longer, friend."

"And why is that, Mr. Mumbo?"

"Because, I don't feel like visitng you in hell!"

A hard thunk, like a nail driving into wood, resounded through Petunia's ears, then a thud of a corpse hitting the ground. She prayed to God it was Mumbo's doing.

"Mr. Vandemar! Now that was uncalled for, I wish you would calm yourself."

"Calm, I'll be calm when you're dead!"

A piercing cut, like a chef cutting into a ham and a gush of blood. A few cries of choking pain, and a thud of a body. Then, painful silence settled in, and Petunia's heart began to race again. She wished for anything to happen, even her death at the hands of those monsters.

"Petunia, it's safe." She felt a claw pet her back, and she pulled her head back up. It was Mumbo, the corpses of Croup and Vandemar lay nearby.

"You, killed them?"

"Had no other choice sweetheart, now let's get you home." He pulled her back up, "You're weak, I'll carry you."

"Th-thank you Mumbo," She said, her panic stricken eyes were finally beginning to relax, and felt very heavy. He smiled as she drifted asleep in his hands, and leapt into the swamp water to carry her home. The splashing footsteps drew further, until they were inaudible. And slowly, Mr. Croup stood, feeling the gash Mumbo's cane had dug into his body.

"Well, how rude of our old friend. I suppose we'll never get our payment, will we?"

"Yes, Mr. Croup, I was very disappointed with his behavior." Mr. Vandemar said as he pulled the nails from his skull, "But throwing a fight is harder than I thought."

"Yes, it was a trifle difficult, but if we want to find our prize we'll need to keep old Mumbo alive, wont we? He's done quite the job of hiding her from us." Mr. Croup began out of the shack and leapt out into the swamp muck. "Coming Mr. Vandemar?"

The wolf ran a claw along the floor, until he found a thin blue hair. He sniffed it a little before he lapped it up, swallowing the strand. He smacked his lips, remembering the flavor, until he heard his companion. "Right behind you Mr. Croup,"

As the two walked off away from the shack, Mr. Vandemar pulled a piece of blue skin from his pocket and gnawed on it impatiently, "When will we meet up with him again?"

"Oh, let's wait a bit. Perhaps a month will give him enough time to spruce up the place."

"But of course."

* * *

Well, a very open ended oneshot. And I'm working on new Musical and One World chapters, hopefully they'll be up tomorrow.


End file.
